Tears are natural and human. While not all of us cry, crying is a normal reaction to increased emotion. This is not a bad thing, and in fact, emotional tears communicate strong feelings and create a sense of vulnerability that improves relationships.
While tears can be embarrassing, the science behind them points to their helpfulness. We shed stress hormones through our tears, and they act as a natural painkiller. They are a soothing phenomenon. So, what’s the problem?
Tears express intense emotion, and it’s not always appropriate to express intense emotion at work. However, work can be an emotional space. Our careers take up most of our time and energy, and we care about our work and those around us. There tend to be periods of high stress and pressure in any job, which naturally heightens emotion and can lead to tears.
Understanding what causes emotional tears.
Emotional tears are linked to the sympathetic nervous system—the same system that triggers our fight-or-flight response. When our sympathetic nervous system is activated, we lose access to our full toolkit, leaving us with a reduced ability to emotionally regulate. This is when we are more likely to lose our temper and yell, shut down completely and walk away, or, for some of us, cry.
Emotions come when we care about something, and we should care about our work. So as much we’d like to check our feelings at the door when we come to work, they remain with us. Even when we have large toolkits for handling our feelings, intense reactions still come up sometimes. Corporate culture, by design, works to minimize the messiness of emotion. However, humans are emotional so feelings are bound to boil over now and then.
So, what do when we start crying to work?
1. Take a break.
If you feel the urge to cry, it’s time to take a break. Whether it’s finding privacy in a bathroom, grabbing a coffee, or go for a walk around the block, changing your setting will help with emotional regulation. Another option is to use a distraction as a break—take ten minutes to read a chapter of your book or listen to your favourite comedy podcast.
When we get upset, we can end up unable to think of anything else. This will intensify the emotions and increase the likelihood of crying. Taking a break disrupts the loop.
2. Practice breathing exercises.
Mindfulness and breathing exercises are helpful for emotional regulation. It also can be done discreetly which makes it a helpful tool in the workplace. We cover the STOP method in our article Four Mindfulness Steps to Showing up the Way We Want at Work. Alternately, try a “box breath”. This is a great technique to use in the moment. For a box breath, you’ll breath in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, breath out for four seconds and hold for four seconds. Repeat this two or three times and you’ll feel the difference immediately.
3. Ask for a moment.
Unfortunately, crying sometimes comes as a surprise so it’s something you’ll have to deal with in the moment. Ask to take a moment to collect yourself while reassuring the other people that you want to continue the conversation.
If your emotional reaction is strong enough that a five-minute breather isn’t enough, ask to reschedule the conversation. It’s important to communicate openly about when the conversation will continue so that your emotional response isn’t interpreted as a tool to shut down conversation.
4. Have a discussion with your leader.
Emotional outbursts happen, and if they were resolved in the moment, it may be best to just move on. However, it might be something you need to address depending on the impact. If you’ve had to reschedule a meeting or if crying if happening regularly, it’s worth discussing with your leadership.
Becoming more reactive to feedback or other typical workday occurrences is a symptom of burnout, and increased reactivity could be linked to this. We’ve discussed the three main types of burnout in blogs before—overload burnout, neglect burnout, and under-challenge burnout—and the signs of when someone is struggling with them.
If you’re finding yourself crying because of mistreatment, discuss the issue with your leader. If it’s treatment from your leader you’re struggling with, you may need to involve HR.
5. Seek out support.
Many companies provide mental health resources, often referred to as “EAP” resources. They typically provide access to therapists or counselors. Therapists and counsellors can be very helpful with processing and building our emotional regulation tool kit. They can provide tools specific to you to process work-related stress.
If you’re having a tough time outside of work emotionally, it’s bound to affect you at work as well. Whether you’re dealing with a loss, a breakup, or other outside stressors, it will impact how you’re showing up.
If your triggers are mainly work related, then talk to your leader about professional development opportunities. An executive coach can help problem-solve, prioritize more effectively, and better manage your workplace interpersonal relationships.
Conclusion
If you need help managing, we’re here to help. If your team would like to learn more about the sympathetic nervous system response, we offer courses on emotional labour, managing challenging conversations, and much more.
We also have certified leadership coaches who specialize in helping professionals manage emotions at work and can help you show up for yourself and for your team.
Reach out today, and we can start the conversation.
