Whether it’s our colleagues, bosses, our partner’s friends, or the barista at our coffee shop, most of us want to be liked by the people around us. This is mostly a good thing. Relationships are important and when personal and professional relationships are pleasant and respectful, we thrive.
So, what makes us likeable?
Studies have shown that people prefer people who ask them questions. A common mistake made when meeting someone new is thinking that making a good impression is all about what you share. However, being a good conversationalist is about more than sharing good stories and fun facts. Curiosity about who you are speaking with is what will make you more likeable.
We’ve all had bad dates or first encounters with people where all they did was talk at length about themselves. We’re left wondering why someone wants to see us again when they don’t know anything about us because they never tried to learn. But here’s the thing—if you asked a lot of questions, you’ve come across as likeable. Unfortunately for the person asking for a second date, their lack of curiosity is what’s made them less appealing.
But how does asking questions help us build our relationships in the workplace?
Curiosity in others increases our connection and makes us more likeable.
Building relationships and being likeable at work is important for a number of reasons. First, if you’re working full time then you are spending a large portion of your day at work. Having positive relationships improves quality of life and helps reduce the chance of burn out.
Secondly, being more likeable will mean more people will want to work with you. When people enjoy working with you, it’s more likely they’ll fill you in on important news and information, or include you in career-growing meetings. Positive relationships within your company will lead to opportunities.
While boundaries need to be in place for workplace relationships, building genuine connections is part of a fulfilling career.
Ask work appropriate questions.
When you show curiosity in others it’s important to do so with some boundaries firmly in place. Being interested in your colleague’s life is good, but how you show interest is how you keep boundaries in place.
Asking how someone’s weekend was is an appropriate question for the workplace. Asking if someone has a boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t. One is a question that allows space for them to share what they want, while the other is a pointed question about their personal life. As you start to get to know someone, start with open and generic questions.
Also, keep in mind that no one likes to be interrogated. While asking questions is good, try not do it rapid fire.
Follow up on what they’ve told you.
A way to continue to build connection with someone is to remember what they’ve shared with you and follow up. For example, if someone tells you they are taking a pottery class, ask them how the class is going next week.
Ask for advice.
This is a great way to show that you respect the expertise of your colleagues and their strengths. It also may be the exact advice you need! Asking for help with something can feel vulnerable, but ultimately it usually ends up not only solving an issue but also builds trust. Most people like to be helpful and giving advice feels good.
Practice over progress.
As you work to build your connections at work, remember it’s practice over progress. Start by sprinkling questions into your regular conversations and see how your relationships improve!
